Mrs. Peach Blossom...Stepping Out with Stepmoms

As a part of my pageant platform, 'Blended and Blessed', I've started something called Stepping Out with Stepmoms. This is an as needed meeting of the minds of fellow step moms or mothers who are in the process returning to the world of dating.

As I work to promote my platform one of my goals is to empower stepparents to not only focus on communicating across their own households but to encourage them to share their stories and experiences so the lives of other blended families can flourish.

In a recent Stepping Out with Stepmoms conversation, I spoke with a stepmother who is dealing with trying to set boundaries for adult stepchildren. The advice I gave her was simple, but sometimes when you are a stepparent, it may not be that simple to convey.

When it comes to children, there are some general rules that apply (rules that reflect values, structure and moral authority) and these rules don't change as our children grow older, but what does change is the level of responsibility that children (especially adult children) have if they are unable to live on their own and remain at home. Some adult children have a 'hotel guest' mentality (which is one of the issues my fellow stepmom was dealing with) in which they act like a guest in the home. Other adult children think that coming and going at all times of the night, engaging in behavior such as drinking or smoking in the house or taking advantage of resources (doing laundry, using the car without filing up, etc.) is a rite of passage because they are of course an adult and still your child, but in my friends case, these are all problems that are upsetting the stability of the household.

As I said earlier, the advice is simple, you have to sit down as a family and discuss your new set of rules and expectations for your adult children, but the biological parent has to take the lead so that the stepparent doesn’t become the stereotypical evil stepparent.

I’ve met so many stepmothers in my journey through pageantry and I hope that I can continue to be a reflection of a positive, forward-thinking stepparent and I’m looking forward to being able to share more Stepping Out with Stepmom Stories.